Summer hasn’t even properly kicked off yet, and I’m already feeling the frisson of what feels like a truly magical Summer. There are a few reasons for this.
ENGLAND GOT FURTHER IN THE WORLD CUP than they have in years, creating an atmosphere of hope in this country, then Danny Dyer said a very rude word on the TV, and then focusing in specifically on Worthing, we had our first ever Pride event, and the atmosphere was better than Brighton Pride. And finally, there’s a heatwave of beautifully epic proportions. The Sun has got more than just his hat on, he’s wearing sunglasses, licking at an ice cream and offering you 99p to get your own. With a flake.
All of this adds up to a truly magical Summer, but there are 2 million days of it left, so what are my predictions for the rest of this majestic time of year. I’m glad you asked.
– One of the Abba tributes booked for the subsequent two large scale events in Worthing turns out to be a Frank Zappa tribute, because when they were booked it was a really bad line. I am there to witness the fallout.
– Trump turns out to be a big prank played on us all, and really he’s The Fonz or someone equally cool in disguise. He is impeached and everyone in the world gets a free Happy Days DVD.
– People stop saying ‘Worthing is the new Brighton’ and finally realise what a cool vibe we’ve already got here on our own merits and they start saying ‘Brighton is the New Worthing’ instead.
– There is a huge community centre erected where Teville Gate used to be, with plenty of space for homeless people to stay.
– A man arrives from the future but only says five words before disappearing again. ‘It’s going to be alright.’
– The summer lasts 1,999,930 more days than normal.
– A 99 flake costs 99p again.
But all of this is nothing compared to what will actually happen. And for that, you’ll just have to wait and see.