Spring has sprung, springles have been popped and now you can’t stop, spring is in the air, in your eyes and in your nose, and other places normal seasons can’t reach. It’s Springtime, the post Christmas blues are over, and it’s time to get up and get going with letting people know when they’ve wronged you.
Traditionally, this time of year is associated with eggs, what with Easter being part of it, and the grand tradition of easter egging the houses of people who have irritated you should be in full swing. These days the rise of the vegans has put paid to this petty act of revenge, and apparently throwing the unfertilised embryonic version of a chicken at a wall is wasteful, so now we need a good alternative for these blossom-filled spring months.
Two words for you:
Why not say it with flowers?
Any time someone upsets you, plant a flower. If someone cuts you off in traffic, plant a rosebush. If your rent is too high, plant a sunflower. If your girlfriend dumps you, plant lilies in anticipation. If taxes are raised, plant yourself a bed of peonies. Plant them anywhere you can, in the park, on the beach, in that tiny bit of earth you get next to a public tree. But especially plant them somewhere that would annoy your foe. So when the time comes for those buds to bloom, all they can see is protest flowers, and this will have one of two effects:
-The flowers will cheer them, making sure that future irritation won’t be caused by this individual
-The flowers will send them into a blind rage, and you can be certain they are a lost cause, because, you know, flowers are nice
-They will be mildly irritated by the amount of flowers they can see, but they won’t be able to pull them up, because they’re lovely flowers
Instead of sending more bitterness into the world, with audible complaints, or written warnings, use flowers. A psychic manifestation of the blossoming hatred inside you, only the inverse in terms of looks. Your loathing as a bloom. I would especially encourage this method of protest when it comes to political matters. Don’t call it civil unrest, call it civil florist.
And when, eventually, this country is overtaken by millions upon millions of flowers, the whole thing looking like a gentrified Jumanji jungle, maybe then the powers that be will take notice. And then things can change, and grow. Like a flower.